We all have our own values and unconscious beliefs on what’s right and wrong, and what’s important and not important, and we try to live according to these values. Even if your rejection upsets the other person, if there was a strong enough relationship before they asked you, then that person should understand – or at least, respect – your reasons when you have to say ‘no’ to them. Although this is understandable, it’s very rarely the case. Sometimes, someone will ask you for something and, because you have to say ‘no’ to their request, you may fear that it will put your relationship at risk. You don’t want to jeopardize your relationship The trick here is to help as much as you can – perhaps let them talk ideas through with you, even if you don’t really know enough to help enact their ideas. Maybe you’re already overworked and don’t have the time, maybe you don’t have the skills or the experience to help, but it can be uncomfortable not being able to help when you really want to. Sometimes, you may find it hard to say ‘no’ to someone because you genuinely want to help out, but can’t. And consider your own experience, if someone’s unable to help you with a favor, do you automatically think less of them? So, why would you expect the reverse to be true? 6. But don’t worry, if you’re clear with your reasons then they should respect your decision. Whether it’s a boss you’re trying to impress or a friend you want to stay close with, it’s human nature to worry that they’ll like you less because you said ‘no’ to them. It can be intimidating saying ‘no’ to someone, and even more to say ‘no’ to people who we want to like us. You think others may not like you if you say ‘no’ Getting bogged down in other people’s issues, while not achieving your own goals, will be much worse than not helping. It’s true that people like team-players, but they also like people who get things done. There’s a big difference between having to say ‘no’ to someone’s request and being selfish. People understand that other people have their own commitments and that you can’t always be immediately free for them. Maybe you’re from a culture where saying ‘no’ to someone is seen as rude (or you simply just like being generous), but in the business world, as long as you’re fair and polite, saying ‘no’ isn’t a bad thing. When asked for help, some people just say yes as a natural instinct. Maybe you’re afraid this will affect their opinion of you when it comes time to assign big projects or promotions? Well, relax – by being able to politely say ‘no’, you’re demonstrating assertiveness and confidence, which are also positive characteristics they’ll appreciate. You don’t want to look unhelpful and you certainly don’t want it to look like you’re unable to cope with your current level of work. When someone, particularly a manager, asks you for a favor it can be intimidating to say ‘no’. You’re worried it could affect your prospects No matter how much goodwill you’ve built up from being helpful, if you let your own commitments fall by the wayside then you’re going to get yourself into trouble. Don’t let your willingness to get involved and help others affect your own work. If you’ve recently started a new job, you may feel encouraged to put in the extra effort to show an eagerness to get involved, but this has to be balanced carefully. You may genuinely want to help out, or you may just want to show that you’re willing to help others. You want to demonstrate willingness and commitment We’ve laid out ten reasons that people often find it hard to say ‘no’, and we’ve explained why you don’t need to worry in any of these circumstances. Are they going to think that you’re selfish, mean or uncooperative? Maybe you don’t have the time to help out, or maybe you simply don’t have the ability, but nevertheless saying ‘no’ can make many people feel uncomfortable. Unfortunately, when someone asks you for a favor, particularly in a work environment, often you do have to say ‘no’. Therefore, many people struggle to say ‘no’ when asked to do something, because they don’t want to be the reason that someone else feels that way. Sometimes it comes as a surprise and sometimes it’s expected, but it’s rarely the answer we’re hoping for. It represents everything from rejection, to failure to missing out. This article was originally written and published by Speak First
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